Ending the Clash, Rediscovering the Balance of Masculine and Feminine

What is better than the feeling of electric, nourishing, ecstatic, blissful, deep and satisfying love flowing through our hearts and spiralling together??  It truly is a portal to experiencing heaven on earth.
 
We are here, each of us, as master alchemists, whether we realize it or not. We are made of the dust of the heavens and the crust of the earth and we are each a bridge between the two. Our hearts- the centre pieces of creation.
 
This truth however is still hidden from many and much of what interests me most, in terms of Sacred Intimacy practices, is helping to uncover this powerful and blissful reality and to assist the opening of the heart so that we can each fully experience it.
 
I love the process! I love the journey! And I find myself sinking into deeper lessons now about the nature of our conditioning which limit our ability to experience more of this bliss in our lives. As I understand more about our conditioning, I am able to honour my own truth more fully, because my ability to be conscious of what does not serve me, allows me to choose new thought patterns and ways of living and ways of loving which better serve me.
 
So I would like to share some of the realizations I have been discovering with you today. I believe now more than ever, we are experiencing our interconnectedness in new ways. I see my thoughts and my emotions as a part of a collective experience. They are coming from my lens of perception, but we are all in this together. Our truths illuminate each other.
 
One truth which has been showing up for years as I have been moving more fully into a path of sharing tantric teachings and healings, is that there is a yearning in most people for something more. Most people I meet are not satisfied emotionally, sexually, spiritually, or physically in their lives. Starved for touch, starved for acknowledgement, staved for purpose, starved for inspiration. These themes come up over, and over, and over and over! It’s mind blowing. And I will quickly tie in here that sky rocketing mental and emotional illnesses are a by product of these unmet needs! We may be a rich country here in Canada but most people are poor in terms of intimacy, true community and spiritual empowerment.
 
Another truth being highlighted to me is the insanity of our concepts of masculine and feminine empowerment and how it effects our ways of relating.
 
Let’s just jump right in and start with the twisted version of feminism which has been rearing its ugly head.  Feminism at its core is about women becoming empowered. In its pure essence this is something most of us who are on a healing, conscious life path can celebrate and support. What I see happening too much, is that the voice of the feminine, in it’s anger and it’s pain, has created bitterness and at times even hatred. 

I believe it is essential for women to have a voice, and to be able to get in touch with the anger and pain which stems from very real abuse, inequality and  oppression. But there has to be an end point. There has to be a healing, a shift an acceptance which allows that pain to become an anchor of compassion and wisdom within and no longer a trigger point like a loaded gun ready to go off at any moment.

When we are full of anger, fear and hate because of our traumas, we are not empowered. If we are attacking, judging, belittling, manipulating, blocking or shutting out men because of our pain, we are just passing the buck along. We are re-wounding, rather than transforming and healing. We have to look at this cultural pattern. Sadly right now women expressing emotions in toxic and unhealthy ways is almost celebrated! It's become a cultural norm which the extreme side of feminism defends at the expense of those who are injured by unbridled emotionally volatile behaviour. I shudder to hear songs like "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood as much as I would hearing any rap song which propagates demeaning women and treating them as sex objects. They are both reflections of the unhealthy aspects of the feminine (emotional volatility and victim behavior) and the masculine (sexual aggression and domination). We can do better. 
 
I want to put forth, that true empowerment is being able to have healthy boundaries, to make healthy decisions for one’s well-being and to be able to live from a place of compassion, understanding and empathy. This is what I see empowered women able to do. I see them able to recognize if they are in a situation that does not serve them, I see them able to communicate and meet their needs and to detach from anything that does not serve them. I see them able to use their creativity and talents to create wellness, abundance and a good life for themselves and the people they love. I see them able to have an incredible capacity to love, nurture and care for themselves and the world around them. I see them able to process their pain, to hold space for their pain, to accept it, transform it and learn from it.
 
Women living from this place truly can, will and do change the world. Women living from this place have no desire to stay in a victim mode, to be malicious or to put forth an image of ‘strength’ which involves dominating or belittling another sex, or any person.
 
And now we get to Men.
 
How many men grew up with empowered role models for women, like what I mentioned above? Not enough. Women have been on a journey of gaining their independence and discovering their power and their voice. Men have been growing up going along for the ride with their mothers on this journey.

What are the effects? What are the effects of not having a mother around when you are young, not having a mother emotionally available? Of not having a mother have her voice heard in the family? Of not seeing a mother in her strength? What does this teach men about their own feminine side? And what are they learning from fathers? How many fathers are playing a role in raising their son? How many fathers are demonstrating a loving, committed and respectful relationship with their partners? How many father’s are carrying GENERATIONS of conditioning that they have to be strong, they can’t break down, cry, feel, be vulnerable,…etc
 
This may not land well with too many people, but I have to say, I feel like at this time when I look at my community, I think men are getting the short end of the stick. There are so few supports for men compared to women. And the party line is that men have it better because they have not been oppressed the way women have, they tend to get paid more, they are not stuck raising children and having to work…it goes on and on and on. I call Bullshit. Men are oppressed emotionally, they are oppressed by the conditioning put on them to have to make a lot of money and be successful at all costs, to fit into ‘cultural norm’ of what a man is, to be strong and to lead- even if they have NO model of how to do that, and they carry the collective burden of women’s unhealed pain bodies, even if they have played very little part in creating that trauma.

They pay the price every day, in the court system ruling in favour of women in custody battles, in accusation of rape and molestation or even issues as small as break ups. I watch time and time again how quick people can be to side with a woman, without examining the situation!
 
This is our insanity. And we can put an end to it. The first reference point which nips this crap in the bud is that we are ALL MASCULINE AND FEMININE. We may have differently shaped bodies but the distinction of man or woman is not as black and white as we make it. What’s more, in order to heal we need to go within and deal with our internal believes, habits, and the related emotions.

If I am a woman and I have man issues, then I need to look at healing and developing my masculine side. And I can tell you when that side is healed I am not going around blaming men for hurting me anymore, I feel safe in the world, I make healthy choices, I have a knight in shinning armour inside me who is both aware and compassionate. That part of me helps me be courageous, helps me take care of my own needs, frees me of co-dependant patterns and keeps me out of victim mode.  If I am attacking the world, and laying blame all around me, I have not done my work yet.
 
As for the feminine side, this is the side we need both men and woman to learn about and develop in order for us to see true healing of our emotional wounding. The feminine side gives us the courage to feel, the courage to love even the darkest of emotions, the ability in integrate our darker emotions and to come to a place of deep acceptance and emotional wholeness. The feminine side helps us to be vulnerable, to be fully awake and alive and ecstatic. The feminine can go as deep into joy and pleasure as she can go into pain. We all desperately need these traits at this time when there is so much pain and disconnection in the world. And we need the healthy masculine traits along side these feminine traits so that we can create safety for ourselves as we allow our vulnerability and our love to shine through. Otherwise we do risk getting hurt and closing down this beautiful side of ourselves.
 
So here is the bottom line. Women have been oppressed and are on a journey of learning how to be more in touch with their healthy masculine traits of being independent, living their purpose and being their own knight in shining armor. Men have also been oppressed and are learning how to be in touch with their healthy feminine traits of vulnerability, empathy and emotional connection.
 
We all need to look within and realize we are a blend of both of these universal forces. We need to learn about both, honour both in others, and start to be curious about our journey so that we can approach our healing from a place of openness and understanding, rather than judgment and anger. 

As we do we gain access to the seed of life, the spark of creation inside each of us which is a blend of these two aspects. We can create peace within ourselves, heal deeper and acts as agents of love and transformation in the world around us. The sex gets better too. Not a bad perk. ;P But really folks we need to end the shit show. Let's not get dragged through the drama any more. Let's really examine our world from the lens of wide open hearts. Freedom awaits along with a brilliant, abundant life! That's our birthright. That's the truth in each of us. Time to live it.

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Aeriel Colleen is a Sacred sex and intimacy coach and creatrix of the Alchemy of Love app. She offers transformational programs and coaching to help women and couples live more deeply and activate their full pleasure potential.